Seriously you can stop now

So I started having health issues about mid-year. Since then I’ve been dealing with doctors appointments, tests, and having to make payment arrangements to pay off said tests.

First I had to see an ENT over sinus and headache pain that I had been dealing with for weeks. $50 co-pay to see him. He gave me some medicine to take, and thought I might be actually having migraines. So he sent me to get a sinus x-ray to see if anything was going on. He suggested a walk-in place to get it done the same day. I already had to take the rest of the day off of work, so sure, worked for me.

I go there and they tell me how much it’ll cost. Okay, I could afford it and didn’t need to make a payment plan. So sure. Everyone was nice.

I returned to the ENT (another co-pay) a week later to get the results, which came back as normal or as the paperwork said, “Grossly unremarkable.” So the ENT said again he thought I was getting migraines, probably from exposure to a chemical smell that the janitors were using to clean with at work. So he suggested a neurologist who he had sent patients like me and they had all gotten better. Sounds great.

The neurologist was another $50 co-pay. He thought I was having abnormal migraines, but wanted to do a VNG due to dizzy spells I was getting. Fine, whatever, let’s schedule this.

I couldn’t eat anything before the test and it was scheduled for late morning so I was hungry. Another $50 co-pay and I did the test. And boy did it make the world spin for me. I got the worst case of motion sickness on the ride home. (My husband drove.) I spent the rest of the day in bed, being absolutely miserable.

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Goodbye rabbit and good riddance.

“Well, we’ll not risk another frontal assault. That rabbit’s dynamite.” King Arthur from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.


When I heard the Year of the Rabbit was going to be a slow year, I immediately had my doubts. When have you ever heard of a rabbit being slow? And I was right..

As I type this I’m dealing with a terrible stomach bug that I’ve had since Thursday. I’ve restricted my diet in hopes that will help it out. So it’s saltines, apple sauce, rice, and jello for me. Yay..

In this Rabbit Year I’ve had the worst head cold of my life. I also had a wisdom tooth removal that didn’t heal well. Wonder why I stopped blogging about it? Because the next day (7?) when I returned to the oral surgeon, one area of my gum had swelled shut and had to be reopened so it could be rinsed out. It was a level 10 pain, a level of pain which I had previously reserved for broken bones and childbirth. I told what happened to another oral surgeon and watched him visibly wince. You know it’s bad when someone in the profession winces.

I’ve still been having sinus issues. Lately I’ve been having jaw pain on my left side by the jaw joint and left ear pain. I’ve been grinding due to stress and have some gum receding going on so quite a few of my teeth are extremely sensitive right now. Tomorrow morning I’m due to have 3 fillings done. I have no idea which teeth or where in my mouth. Three fillings is enough information for me. It won’t be fun. I always get completely exhausted later in the day. I don’t know if it’s from the anesthesia, the trauma, or both. Hopefully though it’s the last of the filling work that I need to have done. At this point I just want it over with. On Tuesday afternoon I go to see an ENT again about my facial pain for further examination. Since I always get sinus issues on my left side anyway, this will hopefully prove informative as to why and what I can do to prevent these issues.

I had a whole heck of a lot of stress due to my mother’s failing health. On my birthday she had a breakdown and had to be hospitalized for 2 weeks. They would only let her go to an assisted living facility. She’s that bad. Depression, anxiety, and paranoia. Which explains why she would frantically call my husband and I when she couldn’t get a hold of my brother who lived near her. And why every time it was an emergency that she needed help with NOW. And she calls someone who is a 10 hr drive away.. She couldn’t understand that I couldn’t really help. I can’t do anything in an emergency. Of course later it was discovered it wasn’t an emergency, it was her panicking. My brother was there most if not every day of the week tending to each ’emergency’ she had. Before the breakdown my mom went to the ER 3 or 4 times in 1 week. *sighs* Even now it’s difficult to describe the pressure my mother put on us and stressed us out. My health took a huge tumble and I started having nightly anxiety attacks myself. Fortunately that’s stopped and I’ve been attack free for weeks. *Knocks on wood.*

And that’s why this year’s resolution is simply more “Me” time. Last year I was sideswiped way too many times. Blows came at me like I was playing dodge ball and Fate always had possession of the ball. WHAM! Something unexpected happen. I try to plan for things to not get hit again. WHAM! Hit by something I didn’t expect. WHAM! Hit by something else I couldn’t have possibly expected. And so on. I started to wonder how long this was going to keep going on and how many times could I pull myself up again. I got a bit depressed myself because things kept happening pretty much every weekend, every other if I was lucky. I didn’t get much of a break to get any sort of breather. Eventually you get tired of playing and I wanted to just be left alone for a good while.

During this time I took a class in Fundamentals of Website Design. I got an A+ in the class. Don’t ask me how the heck that happened. I worked my butt off relearning HTML and learning CSS. I’m proud I did so very well, but I’m taking a breather from any other classes until my health finally resolves and I get some major recouping time.

So yeah it hasn’t been a good year no matter what calendar I look at. All I hoping for is that the Year of the Dragon holds some promise of things getting better. I would like to see things turning around in my life soon. I’m tired of being sick, tired of doctor appointments, tired of reworking my schedule to make up lost time from those appointments, tired of burning through the very little that’s left of my sick time since I ate so much of it up last year. I just want to be healthy, happy, and get my quiet life back. Though right now I’d take the healthy so I can finally start getting in some much needed exercise and get stuff done.

Wisdom Teeth Removal: Day 6

Tuesday..

I get up by my alarm, take my ibuprofen, check work email, and plop back into bed. So much for getting up earlier. The next time I get up is because I’m due to take my antibiotic. Time to grab some food.

I begin to think about expanding my limited food choices with cottage cheese. I worry that I’m not getting enough calcium and protein in my diet. I’ve started to get a few muscle spasms, and I hope that doesn’t mean I’m low on potassium.

After being up and about the house for a while I decide to try to go out to grocery shop for food supplies. When I get in my car I note I need gas too. So both it is. When I get out at the grocery store I notice in my rear view mirror that in daylight my bruises look much worse. I mentally whimper, feel that self-conscious mood again, hang my head down, and try to avoid eye contact. I maneuver around the store making pains to avoid people and especially children. Last thing I want to do is scare them with my looks. I grab what I need to. A couple of women meet my eyes and smile. I smile back though I don’t feel happy at all. Even smiling too much hurts thanks to the big bruise on my left. No one says anything to me. I’m not sure if I like that or not. It is a bit comforting that I don’t have to explain why I look this way. I just hope people aren’t getting the wrong ideas.

The store feels awfully warm to me and it’s already very hot outside. I’m not sure if that’s because of what I’m going through or not. I’ve been warned on the paperwork to stay out of the sun and heat. Yeah that’s not hard to do when you’re already Irish and turn into a cooked lobster when you sit under the sun for too long. I quicken my pace. A cashier leads me to the self check out. I wasn’t sure I had the energy to do it but what the heck. It’s the only verbal acknowledgement I get. Once I’m outside the heat hits me again and I make a quick beeline to my car.

Next I get gas for the car. But of course I don’t just get it without feeling self-conscious again. I pick the pump with no one on my left and the pump between me and eye contact of the person at my right. Again I keep my head down and avoid contact.

I get home, unpack, and cool down in the house again. Later my husband takes me out for the rest of the supplies I need to get at a couple of other grocery stores. It is still really hot outside. I have to walk further to get in the store and I feel my cheeks begin to burn from the heat. We get what we need and again no one says anything to me nor my husband. Next grocery store same thing. My cheeks burn, I feel warm after being in the store for a while, no one says anything. My husband thinks the trauma to my face like the bruising is probably causing the discomfort feeling in the sun for my cheeks. This isn’t going to be a good week. I’m suddenly heat sensitive like crazy apparently.

After we get home I unpack my stuff again. Later in the day I prepare for returning to work. I’m really not looking forward to being out and about now between the bruises and the heat. I’m wishing I had some cloth to put over my head and wrap around my cheeks to protect them. It might also hide the bruises from a casual glance. I still get tired out during the day and I’m not sure if I’ll have the energy to do a full day of work. Though leaving early is pointless as the midday heat will fry me. It’s supposed to storm tomorrow so hopefully that’ll bring down the temperatures to something I can tolerate better right now. Well here goes nothing. Back out in the public eye and looking all the worse in that daylight sun.

Wisdom Teeth Removal: Day 5

Monday..

Thanks to lack of decent wholesome sleep via my prescription pain meds, I was unable to even attempt to return to work.

I’m still having pain brushing even as gentle as I can be around the left side of my mouth with the bottom left being the worst. So I called the office when I was more awake in the afternoon about it. They said day 3-4 is the worst so it’s normal. Well technically this is day 5, but I have no energy to discuss it. I was reassured that they’ll go over how everything is going on my Thursday afternoon appointment.

Meanwhile I’ve sworn off lortab. It’s just ibuprofen now. I’m doing my best to manage through the pain. It’s mostly tolerable. I get headaches, especially on the side of my head. I’m assuming that’s due to pain from the jaw. I know I’ve clenched my teeth a few times. I may even be grinding in my sleep with all the stress. The bruise on the left side of my face is almost always hurting me and the ibuprofen isn’t helping with that. The bruise as spread out both up my cheek and down to my neck. So it’s quite painful over a large area. My sinuses on my left side along with my left ear hurt too.

I had to pick up some sneakers I had to special order. Turns out I have really wide feet. So I get dressed to go out. I wear my Fruits Basket shirt of Kyo that says “Fits of Fury.” If I’m bruised to heck, might as well poke fun at it. I get a bit motion sick on the ride there. *sighs* I’ve been having nausea every time I lie down to sleep and when I wake up, along with stomach pains. I can’t figure if it’s the pain meds or the antibiotic or both. Anyway I get to the shoe store and I’m very self conscious about my looks. I keep my eyes down, ask for the shoes, get them, and leave. When I get back home I get back into my pjs. So much for my romp outside.

More light scratching of the bruised areas going on. I weigh myself and I’ve lost about 7 pounds since the last time I checked. That’s not good. I worry my exhaustion is a sign I’m not getting enough calories in me. One heck of a diet, just don’t eat anything solid. I have to keep pressing on though. I’m not sure how well this is healing up and if it doesn’t go well my molars may be in trouble.

I look forward to bed without weird nightmares. I actually have a hard time drifting off to sleep. I suppose my body is used to the medication helping with that. My stomach begins to hurt again which doesn’t help either. Sleep comes and I do have a bad dream, but at least it kind of made sense. That’s an improvement. It was an extension of my worries of when I ride the train again into work.

I decide to take Tuesday off of work as well. My energy reserves are just non-existent. I need another day’s rest and more time off that damn lortab under my belt. Plus I’ll need the day to see if I can manage getting around by myself again.

Wisdom Teeth Removal: Day 4

Sunday..

At least two, if not three times I woke up in the middle of the deep deep sleep lortab gave me by gasping for breath. Each time I resisted going back to sleep, dreading the next time I’m startled awake feeling like I’m not getting enough air. I tried to wait it out as long as I could awake so that less of the medication would be in me. I didn’t do too well. So I awoke poorly rested and hating this pain medication.

I asked my husband to call the office of the oral surgeon to explain what was going on. I could hear a bit of the conversation on the other side of the call. It wasn’t an allergic reaction. Yes but it was a very very adverse one IMHO. The doctor suggested to take half of the pill and then wait an hour. If I still had pain, take the other half. All of the medicine hitting me all at once was probably causing me trouble. I could also up my ibuprofen to 4 tablets at once. Not that taking that much will help my stomach I bet.

As far as food went we tried some mix that was supposed to be pumpkin soup. It was more spice than pumpkin. Neither one of us could finish our bowls. That’s soup # 3 that failed us. We batted zero. So it was more mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, yogurt, generic jello, and shakes for me.

The pain got worse and I was forced to take a half lortab during the afternoon. Though I got drowsy I forced myself to stay awake. I hate that damn medicine now.

I spent the day in bed. More applications of the ice pack. Though by now it was past the 48 hours recommended. I figured it couldn’t hurt.

Later that afternoon I spied my reflection in the mirror. I now had a good size light bruise on the right side of my face. The one side that was less swollen, the one that was healing better. Sigh. Plus both areas began to itch. It’s hard to scratch something that’s so tender and painful to the touch. Again I’m hoping the scratching means healing. The bruise on my left side is still nasty and spreading. Oh joy. It hurts by just existing there on my face. Hurting when I turn to the left or lower my chin. It looks like something socked me there. More unpleasant thoughts of looks I’ll get when I return to work, taking the train in, flood my head.

I just keep remembering that each day that passes is one day closer to this being over. One day this will be just a memory. I’ll forget the pain and look back at these posts wondering how out of it I was.

In the evening I take another half of a lortab to help keep the pain at bay through the night at the suggestion of my husband. I am a bit chilly, so I grab my nearby hoodie and put it on for the night, pulling the hood over my eyes. I’m still sleeping sitting up in the bed. I’m not asleep long, 30 minutes to an hour at most. I have a terrible nightmare and actually wake myself up with my own screaming. I’m panting, covered in sweat, and feeling very warm. My husband asks if I’m okay. I answer that I don’t know. And I didn’t. I take off the hoodie and toss it to the ground. I sit there panting, trying to stay awake as long as possible. As the medicine pulls me back to sleep I swear to myself that I’m building a new tolerance to pain. I’m just taking ibuprofen by itself from here on out. To hell with the lortab. That medicine is being put on my “I don’t care. I’m never taking it again” list.