Life’s Gone to Heck

I’m not even sure how to write this all out.

My father has renal failure. He’s recently been moved to hospice care. Thursday I awoke to an email from one of my brothers with an attachment from the hospice place talking about signs and symptoms of end of life. Not the sort of things I want to picture my father going through.

There’s been talk about what my father’s wishes are in regards to medical care at this point. And also if he wants to be buried or cremated.

Yesterday my mother called and said that since my father served in the military there’s a chance he can get buried in a military cemetery and my mother have a spot next to him. She’s not sure if she wants to do that or not.

Least to say these conversations are going into a direction that while we all have to deal with eventually, I’m.. Well, I don’t know how I feel anymore. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I can’t feel anything, overwhelmed I bet from all of it. I already had one anxiety attack over all of this.

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