Seriously you can stop now

So I started having health issues about mid-year. Since then I’ve been dealing with doctors appointments, tests, and having to make payment arrangements to pay off said tests.

First I had to see an ENT over sinus and headache pain that I had been dealing with for weeks. $50 co-pay to see him. He gave me some medicine to take, and thought I might be actually having migraines. So he sent me to get a sinus x-ray to see if anything was going on. He suggested a walk-in place to get it done the same day. I already had to take the rest of the day off of work, so sure, worked for me.

I go there and they tell me how much it’ll cost. Okay, I could afford it and didn’t need to make a payment plan. So sure. Everyone was nice.

I returned to the ENT (another co-pay) a week later to get the results, which came back as normal or as the paperwork said, “Grossly unremarkable.” So the ENT said again he thought I was getting migraines, probably from exposure to a chemical smell that the janitors were using to clean with at work. So he suggested a neurologist who he had sent patients like me and they had all gotten better. Sounds great.

The neurologist was another $50 co-pay. He thought I was having abnormal migraines, but wanted to do a VNG due to dizzy spells I was getting. Fine, whatever, let’s schedule this.

I couldn’t eat anything before the test and it was scheduled for late morning so I was hungry. Another $50 co-pay and I did the test. And boy did it make the world spin for me. I got the worst case of motion sickness on the ride home. (My husband drove.) I spent the rest of the day in bed, being absolutely miserable.

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From Heck Straight to Jigoku

My life has gone from going to heck to going straight to Jigoku*.

My Father when he was young.My father passed away today around 5:45 am. He was suffering from renal failure. I’m just mostly going to post my status from Facebook, with some additions and modifications, since it says all I want to say.

When I was 2 months old my father had a stroke. My father told me of how the nurses snuck me in so he could see me while he was hospitalized. The stroke would leave him with a useless left arm, and a brace for one of his legs, along with walking with a cane. He later lost the brace but always had to use a cane to get around.

I remember stories of when he was in the service. Like when it was so cold that the water in his canteen froze.

Or how when we went anywhere he told me to hold his hand so he wouldn’t get lost.

When my father took me to my brother’s hockey games he always got me a hot pretzel. Or he bought a bag of Santitas on his way home from work. He said they were both like gold to me. And I’m still addicted to those snacks.

My father would wake up very early for work and turn on the radio in the house. It would wake me up and I would go to him, hug him, and wish him a good day at work. He returned the hug and shooed me back to bed before he got in trouble for waking me up.

We would have just us time when he went to a donut shop to get a coffee. He would read a newspaper while sitting across from me. I had a Boston Cream and a Hot Chocolate (often with cream to cool it off a bit.) Over time I learned to read upside down. My father also loved chatting with the people at these places, introduce himself, and get to know them.

He was laid off from his job in my junior year of high school. I didn’t understand why he was home early that day and that’s when I learned about pick slips.

My father went on to tutor math at a technical college. He helped a lot of people, especially those who had disabilities. My father wished that he could get a teaching degree, but he felt that he was too old to go to college again.

Even though he was handicapped from the stroke, he still drove a large truck. I always thought that was awesome. He rarely seemed to let his disability get in his way. Though there were times he told me he wished he could have held me or tossed me like he had my older brothers. But that never bothered me.

I am both heartbroken, and extremely grateful for all the times we had together.

Early family photo.Back left to right: Mom and Dad.
Front left to right: Kevin, me, Kenneth (Ken), and John.

Funeral arrangements are being set for Monday. I’ll be traveling up to Kentucky over the weekend.

*Jigoku is the Japanese word for Hell. I like it better than saying Hell because it just feels more intense.

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Life’s Gone to Heck

I’m not even sure how to write this all out.

My father has renal failure. He’s recently been moved to hospice care. Thursday I awoke to an email from one of my brothers with an attachment from the hospice place talking about signs and symptoms of end of life. Not the sort of things I want to picture my father going through.

There’s been talk about what my father’s wishes are in regards to medical care at this point. And also if he wants to be buried or cremated.

Yesterday my mother called and said that since my father served in the military there’s a chance he can get buried in a military cemetery and my mother have a spot next to him. She’s not sure if she wants to do that or not.

Least to say these conversations are going into a direction that while we all have to deal with eventually, I’m.. Well, I don’t know how I feel anymore. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I can’t feel anything, overwhelmed I bet from all of it. I already had one anxiety attack over all of this.

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Powell’s Book Haul

First, there’s this book I ordered from Powell’s at the beginning of this year. (They were randomly giving away a gift card with orders placed on that day. I didn’t get one.) :

Crochet 101
I found my crocheting tools, so it’s time I try to relearn this stuff. It’s also spiral bound so that makes it easier to follow along.


The rest of the books are books I got when Powell’s had a 20% off sale. Only “The Seeker” was new, and “Ninja Attack” was on sale (overstock?). The rest are all used books. So on top of the used books price, I got an extra 20% off. Nice! They are all also books I had on my wishlist.

Oh and don’t pay attention to any lighting you may see on the left side of these books. My monitor was on nearby.

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